Tuesday, 23 February 2010

The Evil Piglet

A long, long time ago, sometime in the last quarter of the previous century, my high school mates and I thought we had an awesome sense of humour. And we did. We really, really did. Some of us, at least. Probably not me, but still.

Anyway, I was quite firm in this belief until around a decade later when it was time for my brother to attend high school, find some mates of his own, and try to be funny. Or at least find they had a good sense of humour. And my, did they succeed!

I hereby declare that, while we were good, we were nowhere near them, and their jokes and gags. Really. Trust me on this one. I stand to lose out of it, so I guess it must be true.

To corroborate this I will tell you one of the jokes I heard from them, and still find it is probably the best I have ever heard. You may not even find it funny, and that's one of its beauties. After all, that's the best kind of funny - the kind where you actually feel a bit disgusted.

But enough of banter, and on to the joke. I hope the translation did it justice...

The Fable Of The Evil Piglet

In the land far, far away, in a dark, dense, and dangerous forest lived an evil piglet. It was the most evil piglet there is, and probably the most evil creature there is. It was so evil that its fame reached far and wide.

One day a good fairy heard about the piglet, and, being a good fairy, decided that she had to try and make it good again, make it see that being evil is bad, that being good is, well, good. So, she braved the dark, dense, and dangerous forest in search of the evil piglet.

It didn't take her long to find the evil piglet. It was so obviously evil she didn't waste her time introducing herself.

"Hello. I am a good fairy, and I've come here to show you that being good is, well, good!"

"Go away!", growled the evil piglet.

"Oh, don't be like that!", said the fairy, "Look, I'll even fulfil three wishes you may have!"

"Get lost...", was all she got back, the piglet calmly looking somewhere above her head.

"OK, OK...", she tried a different tack, "Maybe just one wish before I go?"

The evil piglet finally looked her straight in the eye with what passed for his, and the fairy's hopes suddenly shot up. It seemed to be working, the evil piglet now had a little smile on its face. It must be thinking about that wish!

The evil piglet finally spoke, in its usual growling monotone.

"Die!", was all it said.